Yesterday morning I woke up and discovered that I’m not pregnant this month. My monthly reminder came two days early. As I sat alone in the darkness of the bathroom’s pale morning light, I almost started crying; but then I took a deep breath and began to pray. I first thanked the Lord for the child that He has already blessed me with. I asked Him to take my heart and hold it tight as in that moment it was hurting. I thanked Him for His good and perfect will in my life. I reminded myself that God has a perfect plan and has perfect timing for us and our family. Should He wish to bless us with another child, He will do it in His perfect timing and give us that child that will fit perfectly in our family.
I have leaned on many Bible verses this year as I have been going through this time of patiently waiting.
Jeremiah 29:11– For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Proverbs 3:5-6– Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Romans 8:28– And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Proverbs 16:9– The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
It’s these verses and others that I keep close to my heart. I have memorized these four and bring them to mind whenever I struggle or need encouragement. It’s hard getting a monthly reminder that I’m not pregnant; but I am thankful for the promises of the Lord, the support of my husband, and from friends who have gone through similar situations that I can share my heart with.
So after going through this time of waiting for a baby, I have become more sensitive to the questions that I receive about having another baby and have taken a look at the questions I used to ask people. I encourage you to evaluate the questions you ask to friends or even casual acquaintances in your life. In fact, I encourage you to ask yourself is it necessary to ask these types of questions? If they aren’t someone you know on a personal level, should you be asking such a personal question? Because when you think about it, the topic of creating children and having them is a pretty personal topic. If you still feel led to ask these questions, here are some suggested questions you could ask possibly instead.
Instead of saying: When are you going to have kids?
Say: Have y’all thought about whether or not y’all want to have kids at any point?
Instead of saying: When you are going to have another?
Say: Have y’all talked about whether or not you want another kid someday?
I could come up with tons of other ones, but you get my point: and that being, just be cautious of the questions you ask to people. These “new” questions could still possible open a wound of hurt for a woman, but these are definitely more sensitive ways to ask these questions. You never know what they are going through and how difficult things might be for them. Now I’m not saying to step on egg shells around every possible childbearing woman you come across. I just encourage you to be sensitive and think about asking those types of questions.
To that lady (aka random stranger) at the store a few months ago that told me I “needed to get on that and get my son a sibling before he gets too old”, you don’t know my story or the fact that for over 8 months now, I have wanted nothing more than to give my son a sibling. I’m not angry at you, lady. I just encourage you to be more sensitive to people. Your words cut deep into me and hurt me more than you would ever imagine.
Thanks for listening and sharing with my heart. I hope and pray that I can sometime soon share with y’all that we will be giving Levi a sibling sometime next year! Make sure you go back and read part I if you missed it!
[…] I said in my last post, I don’t know the pain of primary infertility and the desire to have a child and not have one […]