Last week, I was reading with Levi from his children’s Bible. We do this every morning and he has his favorite stories that we tend to read on a regular basis: David and Goliath, Joshua and the Wall (Battle of Jericho), and Baby Jesus. We don’t always get far into the New Testament with the stories we read, but this particular day we started reading the story of Lazarus.
If you know (or don’t know) the story of Lazarus, he died and Jesus raised him from the dead. Lazarus and his sisters, Martha and Mary, were good friends with Jesus and Jesus was deeply saddened by Lazarus’ death. This is the verse in the Bible where “Jesus wept” when he heard of Lazarus’ death. But what a lot of people don’t remember or might forget is that Jesus was sent a message a few days before Lazarus’ death that he was ill and Jesus decided to stay two days where He was and not go to Lazarus immediately.
John 11: 1-7: Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.)3 So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”
4 When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” 5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6 So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, 7 and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”
This past year I did a Bible study through BSF International and our study was the book of John all year long. As I read this story, I remembered reading this story in my BSF study. One of the things that really stuck out to me was what Jesus said in verse 4. Jesus could have gone immediately to Lazarus and healed him if He wanted, but He chose to stay away. He chose to stay in order to bring people to Him and bring the most glory to Himself.
This same morning I read this story to Levi, I was going to go to the last BSF study of the year. This was a Sharing Day for the members to go and share their stories of growth and learning from the study. I knew in that moment of reading the story of Lazarus and Jesus that the Lord was laying it on my heart to share my story at BSF Sharing Day.
So how does my story of infertility relate to the story of Lazarus? It’s taken me a while to get to this point, nearly the 2.5 years we have been walking this journey; but I look at how Jesus WAITED to go to Lazarus and even let him die in order to bring the most glory to Himself. My life as a Christian and believer in Jesus Christ is to bring the most glory to Him through my life. So here I sit waiting for a child. I pray and genuinely mean it when I say I want whatever happens in our story to bring the Lord the MOST GLORY. I put His glory before my desires. If that means we are to wait another 5 years for a baby because our conception was nothing short of a miracle, then I pray that prayer. If that means we are to adopt because the story could only be orchestrated by the Lord, then I pray that prayer. If that means we never have another baby because God wants to use me to bring people to know Him, then I pray that prayer.
That doesn’t mean I have stopped praying for a baby. I still cry out to the Lord and pour my heart to Him for this child I so long for; but I pray at the same time that my story bring Him the most glory possible and that I submit to Him in this journey. Last month was a hard one for me, but I’ve come out on the other side of it with a perspective and a peace that could only come from the Lord. I still have my moments of hurt and I think these moments will come throughout this waiting time; but I am thankful that I am not sitting in this fog of sadness that consumed me last month.
I am thankful for my perspective that the Lord has given me and pray for continued peace during this journey. Thank you for those of you who have prayed and continue to pray for us. We feel the prayers and are forever grateful for them.